W.A.L.T Make improvements to my writing.
My Worst day ever!
It was a beautiful sunny day, in African Savannah it was a early November, we were walking across the river bank because it is a migration. I am glad that I am allowed to stay behind my dad because he is the lead bull, so when I get lost my dad will find me with all the the other bulls and will save me so it's like a safety blanket. I went to my mum and my dad .
I was still walking across the river bank with my dad at African Savannah when my dad saw the lions. When I looked my mum and dad left me so I was all alone. I had to run because the lions were chasing me until the lion leaped and made me roll down the hill. Then I fell in the water. I got the salty water in my mouth it tasted YUCK! Then came the crocodile SNAP! He tried to EAT me but then played tug of war with the lions, I was getting dragged. The lions won the tug of war then they dragged me up the hill to get away from the crocodile
Then I could hear my dad stomping with the other buffalos coming.
When he came my dad saved me so I went to my mum and my dad. They chased the lions away until the lions were gone.
I am so happy that my family saved me. Otherwise I would've been dead or badly hurt .
So we carried on to the place we were going .
By Sharney
Awesome work sharney I hope all of your work is like that.your work is the best.
ReplyDeletethis is the best work i've seen because you, have put heaps of, punctuation in your writing, and the part that i like is when you said,I was a beautiful day in Savannah of Africa.
DeleteHi Sharney, I really enjoyed reading your final story. I liked the part about feeling like the herd was your safety blanket. I would love to see some more descriptive words to add more detail to your writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mrs Mclachlan and Abbagale
ReplyDeleteI like your story because you used heaps of punctuation in your writing and it looks like Mrs Mclachlan has commented on your blog.And this is why I like your story is because you added picture to your story to make it look like that is the right picture to go with your story great job sharney.
ReplyDeleteI like your story because you used heaps of punctuation in your writing and it looks like Mrs Mclachlan has commented on your blog.And this is why I like your story is because you added picture to your story to make it look like that is the right picture to go with your story great job sharney.
ReplyDeleteThanks Abbagale Why did you write it twice
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow sharney that is some good work that you have done From Manaia
ReplyDelete