My final draft

Here is my story of what me, Hope, Pippa and Tamara

In the first week of  the holidays Pippa and I went to Hope’s house for a play.  Then we went to the Hub to watch the Elgregoe show.  

Charlotte dropped me and Pippa off at Hope's. Then we made noodles for lunch. After lunch

then we made lunch once we finished Tamara asked us if we wanted to go to the Elgregoe show and we said yes.

Once we got there it took us a while to get there then we were looking where the show was we knew that it was in pak'nsave then we found where it was. But it was 5 minutes until the show started.

Once the show finished we went to go buy tea. When we got back to Hopes when  we asked if me and pippa could stay and we were allowed then we went to my house to ask my mum and then my mum said yes and we packed our clothes. Then we had tea. Pippa was pushing the bin around and after tea we played with the kinetic sand then we got ice cream for pudding